Note, if you aren’t paying attention to the happenings in Greece, you should. After all, it’s a great foreshadow of where the good ol’ US of A may be heading.

Like many of you, I am shown the “could be worse” situation almost daily as I exit a freeway and see the various signs of poverty:

• “Will work for food”
• “Help a Vet in Need”
• “Homeless Mom, help me feed my kids”
• “Please give me some cash so I can get some food that I can’t afford as I have to pay for this cell phone I’m yapping into while begging for money on the freeway exit ramp”

Ok that last one isn’t real a real sign, but I have been asked for money by a lady outside of a restaurant who claimed she couldn’t afford to feed her kids yet was talking into her cell phone. Needless to say I suggested she may want to dump the cell phone bill if she really can’t afford food.  That earned me a dirty look.
Whatever.

I do have a lot of compassion for the downtrodden – sometimes people just need a little nudge to get them going. I don’t give them money though. No, I think that just enables some of the bad habits many of the homeless have. I think there’s a better way.

An example of how I help is when I’ve frequented my local Subway sandwich shop, there has been this guy out front who is clearly homeless. When he’s there I often get the 2 for 1 deal and give him the other sandwich.

Karma baby. Hopefully, I’ll never be in that situation, but if I am, I hope that Karma comes back to me.

***********

I was out and about with Kid 2 recently and one of the exit ramp residents was there.

2 says to me – Dad, where do Hobo’s sleep (that’s one of 2′s favorite words – Hobo)?
Me – Well, sometimes at the shelter. Often on the street, in bushes, behind buildings, things like that.
2 – I think they should look for an empty house and sleep there.

2 – Dad, if I were a Hobo I’d go to Costco during the day and eat their free samples. It would be a good way to get food really.
Me – Yeah, but I doubt the Costco-Cops would allow a Hobo in the store.

A little while later…

2 – Dad, if I were a Hobo, I’d just go to the local swim pool whenever I needed a shower.
Me – I don’t think they’d let a Hobo go swimming just so he could get clean.
2 – No, I’d wait until they were closed, jump over the fence and get clean.
Me – Not a bad idea.

2 – Dad, I think it’s pretty smart that Hobo’s always have a dog with them to keep them company.
Me – Well, a lot of times they have a dog to protect them.
2 – Protect?
Me – Yeah, it’s not really safe on the streets. People are often trying to hurt them and steal from them.
2 – …<quiet>…You’d think Hobo’s would all just help each other. Anyway, I’d like a dog to keep me company. I love dogs.

And, so have gone the conversations in our car and walking down the street for the past 12ish months. When we exit freeways, walk into the grocery store, see someone pushing their double-wide grocery cart chock full of…stuff, I look over at 2 and can see the wheels churning in the head – “hmmm I wonder where I could keep all my Hobo stuff…“

A little while later…

Me – You’ve been putting a lot of thought into this Hobo thing haven’t you?
2 – Well Dad, it’s always good to have a plan.

Yes kiddo…It is always good to be prepared.

It could be a lot worse.

• Apparently, to some of my coworkers, legal agreements are merely suggestions.
• I may have spent more time driving this week than in the cube. Hence, learning I’m not cut out to be a trucker. But, if I were, my rig would be blue and have more lights than a Griswold house at Christmas – trucker bling.
• Safeway’s flowers on Valentine’s night are surprisingly good. Related…
• Trying to convince the Mrs that Valentine’s Day isn’t a “real” holiday because government workers don’t have the day off is a losing proposition before I even formed the thought in my brain.
• Driving ice-picks into my ear drums is more appealing than forgetting my noise canceling headphones on a day when Cubicle George and WikiWally are having a verbal equivalent of cock fight in cubeville.
• I love dark chocolate and it goes quite well with a good whiskey.
• The amount of effort people put into NOT doing their job would likely be enough to actually do their job and someone else’s at the same time.
• There should be bonus points for actually humping on hump day.
• I’m not sure how, but I seem to have mastered the ability to talk for 15-20 minutes straight, having no clue what I said, and not eliciting any questions in return.
  It’s a skill really.
• Clearly the educational gods are punishing me for not in much effort during high school chemistry by forcing me to help CV jr. with his chemistry homework.
• Dreams about punching certain coworkers in the nose are very satisfying, but I’m guessing not as satisfying as actually punching certain coworkers in the nose.
  Repeatedly.
• Followers who engage and comment make me smile. Thank you all – you know who you are.

Turns out it IS a 3-day President’s weekend in my world and I’m going to enjoy every moment of it. I hope you enjoy your weekend as well.

P.S. If you have questions you want answered about cube life or life in general (and don’t mind being royally led astray) submit them to me and you too may be subjected to ridicule a star of Dear CV. You can reach me at: cubicleviews@gmail.com

No this was a HUGE mistake. One on par with punishable by jail time – wait I’m already in corporate jail. Punishable by torture? Nope got that 5 days a week already. No this is on par with…well nothing that the sane human mind can imagine.

I. Forgot. My. Noise. Cancelling. Headphones.

Companies are not unlike other forms of communities or families in that they have people with all kinds of personalities and at any given time there are kinds of activities going on. And, like all communities or families, some are fully functional. Others…fully dysfunctional. But, one thing that they all have in common is that you can guarantee there will be some whacky personalities.

My little slice of prefabricated work station heaven is no different in that we have some seriously odd people.  I’ve already introduced you to Cubicle George - our HR nightmare in a company logo shirt who loves nothing more than to hear himself talk, corporate cheerleader. Also, did I mention he’s loud?

Loud and cubeville do NOT go together. One of my followers, @CausalComments, asked for help in getting people to use their indoor voices. I’d bet my next overly taxed pay check (yes they pay me for this glorious adventure) that every company has a loud talker. But, where my company excels is that we have a plethora of loud talkers. And, lucky me, they all sit within baseball bat swinging distance of me (not that I’ve tried…more than three or four times).

One of those who compete with George for the honor of driving us to the funny farm is a guy who isn’t satisfied in being a Jack of All Trades. Oh no, he’s an Expert in All Trades. No really, he knows everything (or at least speaks so loud that we all realize his depth of knowledge).

WikiWally

I shall deem this coworker WikiWally.

Why WikiWally? Well, where do you go to learn about anything these days? Why Wikipedia of course. And, believe it or not his name is Wally.
<Full disclosure: I don’t get paid by the number of W’s…although I wish I did!>

Wally is the Cliff Clavin of our office. Like Cliff, who made sure all of his buddies in the Cheers Bar continuously learned from his wealth of knowledge, WikiWally makes sure we know who makes the best cell phones, computers, cameras, and other technology devices. Google-Android, Lenovo, and Canon just so you know. Do not disagree…no really. See, challenging WikiWally only makes for a longer, and louder, cubicle conversation. You do not challenge WikiWally’s knowledge of…well anything, because he knows everything.

See, if you question the Canon being the best camera maker, he’ll look at you like you are an 11 year old teaching people about nuclear submarines. Which he knows about!

Just last week, I overheard WikiWally talking to someone on the phone about his days working in the nuclear science industry. Yes, somehow I’m supposed to believe that WikiWally went from working in the nuclear science arena to…this? Sure you did.

Wally talks all day, about insanely wild topics. He’s a huge Google bigot so we get to hear all the virtues of how the great search engine that could will resolve the world’s problems. Yet, all I can think of is they will be the next KGB.

With all the random chatter from WikiWally and Cubicle George just to name a few, I’ve become closer to my noise cancelling headphones than I have to Mrs. CV. Except the headphones only keep my ears warm at night. However, having said that, the headphones also don’t make me pick up the dog crap. Hmmm…

So, today, without headphones I was subject to the rant of all rants. Why the Canon cameras are better than the Nikon’s. Something to do with clarity, aperture, Googlepixels (those are better than mega pixels apparently) and the fact that Canon is all over the sports world. This conversation lasted about 20 mins with some unsuspecting, likely wrong number dialing, person on the other end of the phone.

But, NOOOOO. It didn’t end there. Some other freaking coworker overheard Wally, which everyone does as he’s a human megaphone. And, that freaking coworker had to come up to Wally, post phone call and say, “Couldn’t help but overhear you (no shit). So, Canon huh…”

Oh headphones how I miss you. I’ll see you at home tonight. That is if they don’t ship me to the funny farm first.

**********

P.S. This calls for a new addition to Cube Tunes: Shania Twain – That Don’t Impress Me Much

Oh, who am I kidding, it was just your average 6 days crammed into 5 actual days in Cubeville.

So kids, what did we learn this week?

• Having to help the boy with chemistry homework is clearly my punishment for not having paid attention during chemistry when I was in high school.
• Yes it’s possible for a new hire to piss off his coworkers in less than 3 days.
• I’m happy that I’m not successful. No really. Because I wouldn’t want Mrs CV to be labeled my Yoko Ono. Yeah I’m looking at you Gisele Bundchen…How you doin?
• Everyone’s worried China will launch a cyber-war. Don’t y’all realize they make every tech thing we use? Trojan horse anyone? Is that a black helicopter outside?
• While it’s possible to have a ring tone of I’m Sexy And I Know It, it is not acceptable to have said ring tone serenading us in the office hourly. Vibrate A-Hole!
• It should be a Constitutional Amendment that when having a meeting after lunch, in a large room, with all the lights off, that lasts for over an hour, that you are required to serve lots of caffeine.
• Holy crap! Password reset time again? If you need me I’ll be taking a nap waiting patiently for my computer to be unlocked by IT as clearly I didn’t learn last time what the phrase “Your Password Has Expired. You Must Change It Now” means.
• I prefer Super Bowl parties where people are equally interested in the commercials, the Halftime Show AND the game. And, no I’m not giving up my Man Card.
• When someone says “I want to be respectful of everyone’s time” generally means it will be a waste of yours.
• You can lead a horse, and their mouth to water. But, you can’t make them drink. In the work world this is equivalent to putting all the information they would ever need in an easy to find area, like on the public website. But, inevitably a horse’s ass will still ask you where they can find the info – weekly.

**Bonus learning hot off the presses**

• Marriage saving iPhone app of the day: “Find iPhone”. Why? Mrs CV calls me from 350+ miles away (not from iPhone) because she can’t find it. Thanks to that app I found it in her work parking garage. And, left a snarky message on it. 

A few short years ago we were all gaga over a phone called the Motorola RAZR. It was a small, thin flip phone that could easily fit in your pocket. Then, Steve Jobs and Apple changed the world with the introduction of the iPhone. Now when you see a flip phone you laugh at the person trying to text message on it’s multi-tap keypad.

In the work world, and maybe more important in life, if you don’t adapt to the speed with which technology is changing you will be left behind. To be forever branded old.

Here’s the the thing. I’m middle-aged. I’m my Dad when I was in high school.

I. Have. Become. My. Dad.

Yup, there you go. I’ve said it. That’s a weight off my back, which is good since your back is one of the first things to go when you get old.

However, I’m doing my best to keep up with the tech train so as to not be left behind standing on the platform at the station. There are so many times when I can see the train pulling away. And still, I run to jump through the door before it closes. Meanwhile, my kids are constantly reminding me that the trains are getting faster and that I’ve got a bum knee.

Yet, believe it or not, there are some situations where I’m still the go-t0-guy for all things tech. Where people consult me. Yes, ME! Where I’m considered the expert!

While I’m feeling old in my house, the reality is, I’m still young when compared to my Dad and Father-In-Law. I’ve still got it in my head that I can catch that train.  They on the other hand are thinking, “Damn those trains are fast. Whatever, I’ve got my electric golf cart. I’m good.”

They’ve accepted that technology is for the most part beyond them. They are the ones still have a flip phone. They’re the ones who when something isn’t working quite right on their 8 year old formerly shiny object, call the 1-800-help-me number and stay on hold for an hour vs. doing a quick Google search and trying to take care of it themselves.

This past weekend was a prime example of my being called upon for my expertise as I paid a visit with the family to my in-laws house for the weekend. Being the only semi-technical relation within a three-state radius of the in-laws’s it’s pretty much my job to be their tech support.

So, here’s how a typical visit works.

After a busy kid-filled morning at our house running from one event to another, we load up the family truckster and head over the river and through the woods to the in-law’s.

Upon the arrival, we go through the requisite hugs and unpacking of 5 days worth of stuff for a 2 day visit then we settle down. My MIL starts in with, “Can I get you something to eat? You look like you need something to eat.” MIL to Mrs. CV, “CV looks hungry. Does he need some food?”

This goes on until I acquiesce. After all these years, I know she’s just trying to build up my energy stores for what’s coming. Wait for it…

In comes my FIL: Hey, CV, good to see you guys. Can I get you a beer?
Me: I’m good, maybe later.
FIL: Come on, you sure you don’t want a beer?
Me: Oh OK sure, but only if you are drinking.
FIL: So how’s life? Work good?
Me: Yep, busy but good.
FIL: Rat race it is. So, I’ve got a question….

And, so it begins.

FIL: Can you give me a hand transferring photos from my camera to my PC again? It doesn’t seem to be working and I really need to send some pics to the family.
Me: <sigh, didn’t we do this the last 3, no 10 times I was here?>
FIL: I know I’m doing something wrong, and well…awww forget it. You don’t need to do spend your time helping this old dog learn new tricks.
Me: No really, it’s OK <dear God please let there be a power outage…wait…wait…nope none>. Grab your camera, let’s grab that beer and we’ll tackle this.

After popping open my beer, I walk over to their desk and lift the lap top lid open. Of course. It’s powered off.

After a typical Windows machine power up of oh, roughly 10 minutes and one beer later, I’m greeted with the nightmare I knew was coming.

The Windows Update screen and the following message:

You have 8 critical updates!

We’re gonna need more beer.

Me: I tell you what, this is going to take a while <because you have first generation DSL that is slower than most government office fax machines> why don’t I go ahead and plow through this and you can go play with the kids. I’ll let you know when it’s ready.

Roughly an hour later, I’ve  got all the updates and forced restarts done.
Me: Hey FIL I’m ready, where’s that camera?
FIL: Excellent, we should be able to do this before we start BBQ’ing.
Me: <unlikely> Sure!

So, with camera card inserted into the PC we begin.
FIL: Wait a minute, MIL! MIL! Where’s my yellow legal pad with all the instructions for how to get photos on the computer?”
Me: <headdesk> 

See, each time I’m lulled into a false sense of security in that while we go through this exercise, FIL writes down every, single step on how to get pictures from the camera, to the PC and to the interwebs for all the family to share. But, for some reason <perhaps his chicken scratch short hand or my lack of patience…OK likely both> something usually goes wrong in our educational process.

FIL: OK got my notes <flips page, flips, flips, flips…flips> ah here we are.

Step by step. By step. By step we go through the process and then click the Upload button. And, are greeted by the lovely “Time Remaining Until Complete” dialog box with a number that can only mean one thing: I’m going to be spending more than a weekend here waiting for this to finish.

We’re gonna need more beer.

So, as we go through the ritual of dinner at the in-laws, I periodically check the progress bar: Shit 20%. Really?

Alas, somewhere after the 4th (or was it 5th) bottle of wine and a couple glasses of Port for desert it’s done!

Success!

You know what? Being the VP of Family IT isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But, I must say, the pay I receive in the form of kick-ass meals and wine, along with the benefits I get seeing my kids giggle and having a great time with the in-laws is worth it <clearly the alcohol is talking>.

So, while I close the lid on the laptop knowing that I’ll be right back here in a couple months doing the same thing, I smile knowing that these family moments are really few and far between.

Then I open the lid of the Advil and shudder at the hangover I’m going to have in the morning.

• My coworkers have mastered the art of saying, “it’s not my job” without using any of those words.
• Oddly enough a K-12 education, a BA and an MBA did nothing to help me relative to doing a search within Siebel.
• If you are wondering why no one from our company showed up for the customer conference call perhaps next time you should invite us.
• 40 emails, 4 of which are marked urgent, before 10am Friday. And, you wonder why I think Friday’s suck?
• If your outsource company is continually asking you for help they are likely the wrong outsource company or you should be doing it yourself.
• My dog has turned my home office into it’s personal chew toy. No respect  in that office either.
• $115 to see Bruce Springsteen from behind the stage does not equal Back Stage Passes. Side note, Bruce and Ticketmaster – you suck.
• Somehow she confused my voicemail greeting of, “Hi this is CV, sorry I missed your call, but please leave me a message” with “Hi this is Doctor Bob’s office, if you want to know what time your appointment is please leave a message and we’ll call you back”.
  I wonder if she’s still waiting for a call back…
• Based on the conversations I’ve overheard in cubeland, my coworker is apparently an expert in everything. I shall now call him WikiWally. He will augment my Cubicle George stories in the weeks to come.

Enjoy the weekend!

<Take 2>

So, I’m crawling home tonight in my middle-aged commuter car along with thousands of other corporate drones and listening to the some tunes. And, wouldn’t you know it but a song comes on which has so many underlying thoughts that really sum up life in the corporate world - Synchronicity II, by the Police. Take a listen to the words Sting belts out. They ring true on so many levels. Anyway, as I heard two parts in particular, it got me thinking about the day. First up:

And every single meeting with his so called superior
Is a humiliating kick in the crotch. 

Which is followed by the oh so appropriate commute line:

Packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes
Contestants in a suicidal race.
Daddy grips the wheel and stares alone into the distance
He knows that something somewhere has to break. 

And, while I knew that I’d be greeted by a happy family when I got home, I kept thinking about the day. Today was a very…interesting day. Not good. Not bad. Just…interesting. Time will tell how interesting and whether good, bad or whatever.

As I reflected on the day, it hit me. Today was February 1st. One month into the New Year. One-twelfth of the way through 2012 (that’s 0.0833 for you metric folks). And, as is customary in my company, it’s time for a status review. That time when you look back on your responsibilities and see how you are doing. With that I figured it was a great time to reflect on the status of Cubicle View’s New Years Resolutions. 

Those of you who know me, or have been reading my thoughts here, know that I don’t do Top 10 lists. I do lists that have whatever number comes to mind at that time. And, my NY resolutions entailed 7 things. So, how am I doing?

#1 – Limit my Inbox to less than 20 items by day’s end.
I work for a company that does business literally around the world. And, with offices in many countries, I get email coming in 24 hours a day. So, keeping it down to 20ish items in my inbox by days end is really difficult. OK cut to the chase CV…

Here’s today’s count at the end of the day.

157 Items. FAIL.

But, let me explain today was an untypical day. I was in meetings from roughly noon until 6pm straight (more or less). But, on a typical day, I’ve been pretty good. Not 20, but in the 30ish range. So, not too shabby.

#2 – Use my vacation time.
Well, it’s only 1 month into the year so there really wasn’t much time to take time off. Plus, we had MLK day off. Therefore, no vacation time used. FAIL

Good news though – I’m taking a day off in the next couple weeks. WOOT!

#3 – Turn off during off hours.
Maybe because I’m in one of those, “damn I’m feeling burnt out” phases but, I’ve actually been really good with this. I’ve been quite successful at tossing the smartphone in the drawer with my keys at night and not checking work email. HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES.

#4 – I’m going to say NO more often.
This one’s all about priorities, keeping them and not…well…just bending over. Translation – super challenging given the work world these days. I’ve been OK with this one. For every, “you can take that suggestion and shove it where the sun don’t shine”, I’ve likely grabbed my ankles once. No, I’m not proud of that, but listen here all you out there reading this with smug, “I told you so faces”, I’ve got a mortgage (scary Bay Area one too) and kids to cover. Plus a fairly healthy whiskey and wine habit. So, we’ll call this one A PUSH.

#5 – I’m going to be more direct.
Let’s sum my status on this one up like this:
I am part of a department that is so freaking weird it’s like a scene out of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest only we let the inmates go home at night.  Got the visual. See that little Danny DeVito character. Got a good image? Well, in my department HE IS AN GIRL. And, yes, he/she is constantly giggling. We’re only missing Nurse Ratched thank God. That direct enough an visual for you? HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES.

#6 – Be more self-promoting.
Oh I’m all over this one, because I Rock! See, told you so.
I’ve got a plan in place for the next 6ish months that will make me look like Brad Pitt. Only without the great hair. And, the millions of $’s. Nor, Angelina. OK maybe the Brad Pitt thing was a stretch, but I’m doing a lot. And, while it’s likely not going to result in much as it relates to my current gig, it’s going to make great fodder for that time if/when I need to interview again. So, go with it OK.  We’ll call this one A PUSH +.

#7 – Resist the urge to punch a certain coworker in the throat.
<Full disclosure: the concept of punching someone in the throat, while very effective, wasn’t my concept. Full credit to Jen in all her throat punching glory.> Probably the most difficult one bar none. This has been brutal. I so want to punch one…OK quite a few people in the throat, face, gut, kidneys…
<Breathe…count to ten>
OK, I’m back now. But, seriously, Cubicle George has been killing me. Today, he was in classic, annoying form. Crappy speakerphone calls. Self-serving emails and speeches.
Serenity Now. Serenity Now.
This one has been huge HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES. For now…

So, at the one-twelfth/0.0833 checkpoint, by my score keeping we are at:
2 Fails
2 Pushes (one a Push +) and,
3 He Shoots, He Scores

By my count I’m winning! Only 11 more months to go. God speed.

*************

P. S.  Now if I could only get back to the gym.

Friday is the day when most people, well…let’s face it, give a half-assed effort. It’s the day everyone looks forward to. The last work day before punching out on the time clock and going home for that well deserved recurring two day vacation.

So, with so many reason to love them why am I beginning to hate Fridays?

Yes, you heard it right.

I. Am. Beginning. To. Hate. Fridays.

So who’s/what’s to blame?  It would be super easy to blame Rebecca Black, but in all honesty I cannot do that. While I’m sure she’s a very nice person, who just so happens to sing horribly and has caught on with many a radio station as a joke (jokes on you cause it get’s stuck in your head like a bad hangover), it would be wrong to blame her for my woes.

Nope, my problems are much more complex. The roots of my woes are both shallow and highly intertwined like that of a redwood forest.

Side note: Redwood forests are amazing. And, while I’m no tree hugger, I find them both awe inspiring and highly recommend spending some time with these ancient beauties. They, along with the mighty oak, are my top two favorite trees.
Favorite trees? Did I just type that for all the world (ok half a dozen readers) to read? Never mind.

My redwood forest is actually located in a nondescript business park and within the prefabbed office walls of our company headquarters.

You see my coworkers are the trees of this forest. Many are both shallow (think only of themselves) and very intertwined (political). Many are old (at least in their thinking). Many have super big trunks. Many live in their own little fog.

But, unlike the giant redwood standing tall and proud, many the trees in my company have developed an annoying habit:

Microwaving fish. Not using deodorant. Using the speaker phone on volume setting high in their cube. Talking extremely loud in cubeland. Having ring tones of their favorite boy band.

Manufacturing emergencies on Friday.

My company has actually been very successful during the tough times of the past 4+ years. No, not Apple successful, but we’ve done quite well thankyouverymuch. And, one of the prime reasons we have been successful is that most of us work very, very hard. My coworkers generally, despite all their “challenges”, actually are quite dedicated to their role and company. As are many these days, they are typically stretched pretty thin. And, like many things that are stretched thin they may tear, or in some cases break.

In my company when coworkers are stretched thin, start to tear, and sometimes break, it’s not pretty.  They usually create one helluva large blast radius and equally large resulting collateral damage. Unfortunately, this corporate version of the IED generally happens on Fridays and always seems to be close to my 3.5 non-blast proof walls.

About a month ago I lamented to a coworker that Fridays were starting to piss me off. The coworker says – “What??? Are you on those drugs they grow up in the redwood forests?”

To which I said, “of course not, millions only a few people with scrapes of paper valid prescriptions from the hobo on 3rd street legitimate doctors can get those for partying with friends medicinal purposes.”

And, then I explained it to my coworker. You see, every Friday…no really EVERY Friday, you can count on at least the following:

• Customer escalations which have been brewing for months yet seem to only ripen on Fridays.
• Shit storms that Cubicle George creates which, despite his jackassness, seem to showcase him and at the same time make me and my coworkers look like morons at best.
• Executive emails at 4pm stating, “Hi CV, I got this message on Monday, and well forgot about it until I was packing my bag and getting ready to head to my Chateau in Lake Tahoe. And, as I know you were just going home to your house on the “other” side of the valley (where everyone has a mortgage of about $1m for 3 bedrooms) and probably hang with your kids…ummm, wait, you do have kids right? Anyway, can you fix this for me. Thanks and have a nice weekend.”
• The boss man drops by and says, “you know that report that we’re (you’re) sending off on Monday, well I’ve been thinking about it finally, because as you know I’m so busy and I was hoping you’d do it this way (polar opposite of what you had already agreed upon and done weeks ago, because you, unlike others, don’t wait until FRIDAY).”

At this point coworker says, “damn you’re right, Friday’s do suck.”

In all seriousness, I fully appreciate people being busy and sometimes things do fall through the cracks. But, come on, does the shit always need to hit the fan on Friday while I’m standing in front of the fan trying to cool off because one of my coworkers is freezing and has turned up the heat in our cubeopolis?

I’d really like to have my Fridays back. Is that so wrong?

P.S. Happy Monday.

P.P.S. Don’t fret I slapped myself on your behalf for pointing out that your one happy day isn’t so much.

• Not only do I get shit on by many coworkers in the office, but my company apparently employs birds to shit on my car in the parking lot as well.
• Bill Cosby sweater wearing coworker went shopping and is now sporting a Mr. Rogers sweater. Good news, my eyes aren’t burning anymore, but he still looks like a fashion moron.
• To me, migraines are better than a-hole coworkers because migraines typically only show up once or twice a month. A-hole coworkers show up 5 days a week and email you on the weekends.
• If Cubicle George heads into the bathroom with a stack of paper equivalent to War and Peace you best find one of those Israeli air raid gas masks.
• Quickest way to loose weight at work is to go into our break room at lunch. The daily combination of microwaved brown mush and the “I haven’t bathed in over a week” BO will destroy your appetite.
• I think the Occupy people have it wrong when they are discussing the 1%. I think the 1% are those of us (which obviously includes all of you who are reading this) who are not idiots.
• Writing your own self-assessment yearly review covering how you did against your goals and objectives is incredibly difficult when your yearly goals and objectives were completely reset by the boss in March.
• Just like at home when Mrs CV is cranky the whole house is cranky, so goes at work when the executive team is cranky.
• Monday may not be the worst day of the week anymore (foreshadow of future blog post).
• My new them song is: Ball and Chain

I work for a company that thinks it’s super innovative and fresh. It’s not. The powers that be seem to think a sound strategy is simply doing more of what worked 20 years ago. Any brilliant ideas on telling them their requests are BS?
- Wannabe Time Traveler

Dear WTT –

When I hear of things like this I can’t help but think of the old Dana Carvey, George Bush Saturday Night Live sketches (stay the course), however that was way back in the 80’s which was probably before your time, but suffice to say that was when SNL was actually good.

But, even today there are many examples of how staying the course isn’t the smartest decision. For some examples, see Kodak (who?) or others you may be familiar with like Yahoo or RIM, both of which were featured in today’s post by one of my favs Steve Tobak.

One of the major problems with larger, well established companies is that they don’t bring in fresh talent. Senior management tends to hire their buddies because they have experience and reflect similar values. However, in many cases what’s needed in companies that are floundering (RIM) is something/someone with fresh ideas. You don’t get that by sticking with the same mold.

Related-this is one of the major problems with politicians today as well – see how I’ve come full circle here in that if you watch that SNL sketch you’ll see that effectively nothing has changed in the past 20+ years.

But, that’s neither here nor there for your problem at hand. I think you have two choices:

1) Buck the trend and be unique. Show how your ideas will work. Go out on a limb. Prove to them that being fresh isn’t something that will ever come from having the same old turkey with swiss and mayo sandwich catered lunch meeting food. Show them that you’ve gotta have sushi (after all sushi that isn’t fresh…ugh is shudder to think). Show that the first way to grow old and die is to think old. Be a leader. Be you and be bold. But, also have a current resume ready…just in case.

OR

2) Be a sheep and follow the heard off the cliff like those at Kodak.

Now if it isn’t obvious, I’m hungry and I’m off to find something other than a turkey sandwich.