It’s been…um, well, maybe forever since I was last in confession? That’s partially due to the fact that I am agnostic. Oh don’t get me wrong I believe in “something” bigger, but just don’t need the structure of a religion and all that goes with it. See you can believe in whatever you like and I will believe in whatever I like. All I ask is don’t force it down my throat. Also, I like my Sunday’s on the couch.
So what is the nature of this confession? If you’ve been reading The Cubicle Views for the past few months you know there is a way for us to all get along. There are also many unwritten rules which more often than not are broken. One such unwritten rule is: If you are actually sick don’t come to the office.
First, let’s define sick. I’m not referring to being sick in the head. Saying things that are dreadfully inappropriate and bound to add to the file HR has on you like Cubicle George’s file. When I say sick I’m talking about having a cold, lung hacking cough or some other government/news media manufactured illness of the year (see bird flu, swine flu, etc…).
Now mind you, I don’t have any of those exotic animal flu like symptoms, but I do have a cold. One that Mrs. CV would role her eyes at. And, when it comes to things like being sick she, like most females, are tougher than the testosterone wielding other half of the specifies and will look for every opportunity to tell you so by saying things like “oooh do you have the sniffles?” No respect at all.
Now, mind you, I’m not dying but I am respectful of my colleagues and would rather not spread my germs as I use tissue after tissue. In fact, I go through an industrial size bottle of hand sanitizer every couple days. Those “ickphobia” issues are for another day. Also, as my son says, “why do they need to make that green hand stuff smell like butt? But, I digress.
Any other time, I’d work from home. However, here’s the dilemma. Like most lucky smart corporate drones, I had already taken a full week off for Christmas. Thankfully during that time away I felt great (except for the itsy bitsy hangover on New Year’s Day). But, as luck would have it started to get sick the afternoon before heading back to Cell Block D – just in time to go back to work.
Now, I’ve already explored the whole work from home dynamics and the impression most managers have when you say you’re going to work remotely. But, whether I chose to do that or use one of my many unused PTO days, I’m faced with the same issue – That everyone automatically thinks I’m lying.
Calling in sick huh? Funny how you are “sick” at the end of a long weekend.
(And, yes you must use hand quotes here).
See, whenever someone is “sick” on a Friday or a Monday the bosses, coworkers, and even I automatically think you are lying just to get an extra bonus weekend day. Do this after a long weekend? You are guaranteed to be branded as a slacker.
So, what’s a loyal
party comrade employee to do?
Well, that is what brings me here to confession today. I came into the office sick. There I said it. Forgive me loyal readers for I have sinned.
P.S. At least I didn’t microwave leftover trout!