Today I made a huge mistake at work. It didn’t have anything to do with drinking the horrid coffee we have, although that would be a big mistake. And, no it wasn’t actually showing up in the first place. I do that daily so I’m kinda over that mistake. It also didn’t have to do with joining the smelly food crowd in the break room for lunch, sending a reply all email that shouldn’t have been sent, or punching a coworker in the nose during a meeting (although I did dream of that last night and while disturbing it was also marvelous at the same time). These are all mistakes, yes. However, they are relatively minor.
No this was a HUGE mistake. One on par with punishable by jail time – wait I’m already in corporate jail. Punishable by torture? Nope got that 5 days a week already. No this is on par with…well nothing that the sane human mind can imagine.
I. Forgot. My. Noise. Cancelling. Headphones.
Companies are not unlike other forms of communities or families in that they have people with all kinds of personalities and at any given time there are kinds of activities going on. And, like all communities or families, some are fully functional. Others…fully dysfunctional. But, one thing that they all have in common is that you can guarantee there will be some whacky personalities.
My little slice of prefabricated work station heaven is no different in that we have some seriously odd people. I’ve already introduced you to Cubicle George – our HR nightmare in a company logo shirt who loves nothing more than to hear himself talk, corporate cheerleader. Also, did I mention he’s loud?
Loud and cubeville do NOT go together. One of my followers, @CausalComments, asked for help in getting people to use their indoor voices. I’d bet my next overly taxed pay check (yes they pay me for this glorious adventure) that every company has a loud talker. But, where my company excels is that we have a plethora of loud talkers. And, lucky me, they all sit within baseball bat swinging distance of me (not that I’ve tried…more than three or four times).
One of those who compete with George for the honor of driving us to the funny farm is a guy who isn’t satisfied in being a Jack of All Trades. Oh no, he’s an Expert in All Trades. No really, he knows everything (or at least speaks so loud that we all realize his depth of knowledge).
I shall deem this coworker WikiWally.
Why WikiWally? Well, where do you go to learn about anything these days? Why Wikipedia of course. And, believe it or not his name is Wally.
<Full disclosure: I don’t get paid by the number of W’s…although I wish I did!>
Wally is the Cliff Clavin of our office. Like Cliff, who made sure all of his buddies in the Cheers Bar continuously learned from his wealth of knowledge, WikiWally makes sure we know who makes the best cell phones, computers, cameras, and other technology devices. Google-Android, Lenovo, and Canon just so you know. Do not disagree…no really. See, challenging WikiWally only makes for a longer, and louder, cubicle conversation. You do not challenge WikiWally’s knowledge of…well anything, because he knows everything.
See, if you question the Canon being the best camera maker, he’ll look at you like you are an 11 year old teaching people about nuclear submarines. Which he knows about!
Just last week, I overheard WikiWally talking to someone on the phone about his days working in the nuclear science industry. Yes, somehow I’m supposed to believe that WikiWally went from working in the nuclear science arena to…this? Sure you did.
Wally talks all day, about insanely wild topics. He’s a huge Google bigot so we get to hear all the virtues of how the great search engine that could will resolve the world’s problems. Yet, all I can think of is they will be the next KGB.
With all the random chatter from WikiWally and Cubicle George just to name a few, I’ve become closer to my noise cancelling headphones than I have to Mrs. CV. Except the headphones only keep my ears warm at night. However, having said that, the headphones also don’t make me pick up the dog crap. Hmmm…
So, today, without headphones I was subject to the rant of all rants. Why the Canon cameras are better than the Nikon’s. Something to do with clarity, aperture, Googlepixels (those are better than mega pixels apparently) and the fact that Canon is all over the sports world. This conversation lasted about 20 mins with some unsuspecting, likely wrong number dialing, person on the other end of the phone.
But, NOOOOO. It didn’t end there. Some other freaking coworker overheard Wally, which everyone does as he’s a human megaphone. And, that freaking coworker had to come up to Wally, post phone call and say, “Couldn’t help but overhear you (no shit). So, Canon huh…”
Oh headphones how I miss you. I’ll see you at home tonight. That is if they don’t ship me to the funny farm first.
P.S. This calls for a new addition to Cube Tunes: Shania Twain – That Don’t Impress Me Much