My Own Prison

I often wax poetically type in non-proper improper unproper bad English about how cubes are a lot like prison cells. Generally, we all know I’m joking around. After all, we get to go home most nights.

But, it got me thinking. While there are many differences between a prison cell and my cube, there are also many similarities.

Let’s take a look at some of that which is the same and slightly different.

  • Per Wiki Wally, Dimensions Info, Wiki Answers and other sites, the average size of a U.S. prison cell is 6×8 feet. My cube – 6×8 feet.
  • Almost all prison cells (at least those I’ve seen on TV and the movies – hello Shawshank Redemption!) are a drab, dull gray. My cube…drab, dull gray (although the walls are polyester, not cinder blocks).
  • Johnny Cash played in Folsom Prison. I often play Johnny Cash in my cube.
  • Prisoners are typically allowed out of their cell for some “free time” each day. I get a “lunch hour”.
    But, how much time we cube dwellers get is vastly different. Scotty Too Hotty gets 5 hours. Really? While I usually get to go home at night, I almost never get out for lunch hour and when I do it’s typically for 30 mins at a best!
  • Prisoners have their own toilet…like Execs used to have. We have to share with the whole company. Prisoners +1.
  • Prisoners get 3-squares a day. Me? Sometimes the execs have meetings with lunch brought in and they typically never finish. So, they’ll often put their leftovers out for us peons. But, in all honesty, you never know how long it was sitting in their conference room before they decided to dump it in the break room – thus increasing your odds of getting what’s known as Executives Revenge (close relative to Montezuma’s Revenge).
    Not. Worth. It.
  • Prisoners get uniforms. We get company logo’d shirts. Both are typically in similar, must stand out from the crowd, horribly ugly colors too.
  • Prisoner’s get medical coverage. And, thanks to Obama we’ll all get medical coverage. Both paid by your and my taxes dollars.

I guess my poetic waxing wasn’t so far off was it?

Direct from the Alcatraz souvenir shop!


About CubicleViews

Observations, thoughts & random bitching about cube life, food, beer, wine, whiskey and sometimes politics. Living the dream in a 6×8 doorless polyester walled cell.
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6 Responses to My Own Prison

  1. free penny press says:

    You left out one difference between the prison cell and your cubicle.. They have a water fountain in theirs, but fret no more you too can be just like them with this:

  2. Pingback: The Weekly TPS Report – July 13 | The Cubicle Views

  3. I’ve been interviewing and this totally makes sense. First they interrogate you, by putting you in that tiny windowless room with a single fluorescent light. Beat you over the head with questions about where you were during certain dates and why you were there.

    Get busy livin’ you think. I’m getting a new job! Then they stick you in the cubicle prison. Damn, as your completely busy dyin.

    • CubicleViews says:

      Damn that sounds bad.

      I think in the very least when negotiating the next job you should ask for 3 beers. Why? Because a working man feels more like a man if he can have a bottle of suds. That’s only my opinion…

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