Words I Hate

There are times when someone utters a word or phrase that just makes my skin crawl. I know, I should lighten up. But, seriously, we all have them. Certain words that make us want to go stabby. There’s likely some deep rooted early childhood trauma that caused this. Or perhaps some Freudian issue. Don’t we blame him for everything? Or, maybe it’s just because some jackass at the office uses it all the time.

That said, there are some words I just hate. Yes, hate. It’s a strong word, yet appropriate in this case. Oddly enough, I don’t hate the word hate. Confusing huh? That would be like going back in time, seeing myself and forever changing the path I’m on. Thus in the future how would I ever get to go back in time to change the path I’m on? Freaking crazy weird circle of mind blown. But, I digress.

A lot of people do this thing called Wordless Wednesday, where they publish a post without words. I’m going to take it to a new level for this particular Wednesday.

Words I Hate Wednesday

So what words (or in some cases phrases) do I hate?

So, your initial imagine didn’t go so well, now you want a do-over? Car companies are using this a lot in the adverts. It’s like saying, “our first Chevy Traverse in 2008 sucked so we decided to have a do-over and here’s the 2013 which ironically looks very much like the 2008. I guess our imagination, and reimagination, still stinks. Sorry.” Also, it appears that WordPress agrees that it is not a word.reimagined

Decaffeinated – This one should be obvious. What’s the point? Some say it’s like fake cigarettes which are designed to get people to stop smoking and kick the nicotine habit – I get that, but there is no place for fake coffee.

Non-alcoholic – See decaffeinated only multiply times 3.

Laundry -Doing laundry sucks. I don’t mind so much putting it in the washer or the dryer. It’s the folding it and putting it away that I can’t stand. Seems my household feels the same way as we have cleaned/dried clothes piled up on the family room sofa almost perpetually.

Meme – Look I know what it is, but I still hate it. It’s like that song that’s played all the time on that top 20 station. By the second time you’re like, “yeah this is a pretty good song.” By the fourth time of a family road trip, you’re thinking, “please dear lord let there be a massive sun spot that takes out all of the top 20 satellite and terrestrial radio stations.” Seriously, you can’t tell me you’re not freaking sick of Grumpy Cat?

Homework – As in “Dad can you help me with my homework?” I hated homework when I was in school and had to do my own. Now that I’ve got kids in high school, not only do I not like it, I can’t even freaking DO it. Nothing like trying to help a high schooler do homework to make you feel stupid.

Diet – Look, I love to eat. In fact the prime reason I work out a lot (ok a fair bit) is so I can eat more. Food is awesome. Diet food is not. Diet Coke? “Here’s a can of sorta flavored like the real thing nothingness…enjoy!” In fact the best thing soda companies have done is come out with things like Coke Zero. Think about it. In World War II the prime Japanese fighter jet was the Zero. How bad ass is that? Of course many were used on kamikaze missions, but I’m sure drinking Coke Zero isn’t the same…

Working <fill in one of the three daily meals here> – Again, I love to eat. I don’t like meetings. Combine the two and you ruin my meal. No matter what anyone says, when you  have a “working lunch” you end up working more than eating. And, the food typically sucks. On the road? It’s worse. You’ll end up having 3 full working meals and questioning if your digestive system will ever recover.

Unread messages – 194 Unread messages. Yup, that’s my current count at the moment. And, that’s actually really good as I spent the better part of a recent plane trip doing the “select all…delete” thing trying to clear out many messages that will likely never get read. Friends, you should heed my motto: Don’t fret about deleting it. If it’s important, it’ll come back. Trust me.

Message Waiting Indicator – This is very closely related to Unread Messages. I’ve been known to mark all my voicemails as heard just to stop that freaking flashing red light I hate which is constantly threatening to send me into seizures. Look I’m the first to admit I have issues. Related…

Voicemail, as in I left you a voicemail. Who leaves voicemail messages nowadays anyway? Get my greeting? Send me a text if it’s important. Don’t have my cell number? Send me an email I can ignore and later delete…unread of course.  But, what’s even worse…sending me an email to tell me that you just left me a voicemail. It’s one or the other…but, dear god not both. P.S. preferably neither.

Touch base – “Hey CV, can we touch base on that super important (only to the person asking) topic?” What does this mean anyway…touch base? We’re not playing baseball last I checked. The only other “base” I remember was a variation of being on base in baseball.  As a kid when you were playing tag, if you got to the base the other person couldn’t tag you out. I sure wish Cubeville had a base so I could just sit there all day and no one could bother me.

Compact – as in compact parking spots. The concept is simple. Compact parking spot = compact car. However, even with gas prices being fairly expensive most people don’t drive little cars. That said, I’m pretty sure these compact spots are shrinking. It used to be that a smallish sized car, say like a middle-aged Dad commuter Honda Accord for example could easily fit into those spots. Not anymore. Now, I’m pretty sure a Prius or even Smart Car would have a hard time with these compact spots.

Push the envelope – Push it? Push it where? Push it real good. <bump…bump bump bump bump…push it real good>…sorry bout that. This is code, pure and simple. Bossman wants you to take risks. If they work out and you succeed, bossman will take the credit. If you fail, well, best pack your bags.

Open the kimono – In reality what this means is I’m going to tell you the truth and show you everything. OK so, up to now you were lying and holding stuff back? Awesome.
I’m surprised that this term is still allowed in today’s highly politically correct environment. After all, you’re saying you want me to flash my goodies to my coworkers? And, it’s sorta dissing old school Japanese dress. HR violations galore. While we’re at it, how about we modernize this and say, “Open the Burqa.”

Deck – aka slide deck; aka PowerPoint. I do not want to hear you say, “hey CV, can you create a deck about that super secret project? Oh…we didn’t tell you about the super secret project? Well, can you brush up on it and then whip up a deck?”

The only time I want to hear the word deck is when it’s used in this manner:
I’d like to deck Cubicle George. For the record, that’s a good deck.

Damn the English language is tricky.


About CubicleViews

Observations, thoughts & random bitching about cube life, food, beer, wine, whiskey and sometimes politics. Living the dream in a 6×8 doorless polyester walled cell.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Words I Hate

  1. Carrie says:

    I think my husband agrees with you on the laundry thing…at least when it comes to the kids clothes. He NEVER folds or puts them away. Drives me bonkers.

  2. lablover22 says:

    I absolutely hate the word “assuage”. First of all, it looks too much like suasage and I have to do a double take everytime I read it. Secondly, no matter how you pronounce it, it sounds weird and is a stupid word. As for the laundry, I feel ya. last week I washed, dried, folded and put away 6 loads. I then went to confession to make sure Jesus and I were square becuase clearly he was arriving in the next 24 hours. Oh, and the only other bases I have will not be “touched” by anyone other than my husband, and ocassionally awkwardly brushed by a stranger reaching for something.

    • CubicleViews says:

      Assuage is a pretty bad word indeed. Sounds kinda dirty and illegal as well.

      Did Jesus come? You are talking about Jesus (prn Hey Zeus) right? Is he your housekeeper? If its the other Jesus coming to your house I’d ask, in what form? Piece of toast? Some odd tree carving?

      Also, awesome for your husband.

  3. javaj240 says:

    I love this! In my job, I have come to hate the word “recover”. It’s an industry word — meaning, I am going to go and kiss the ass of that customer who knows that their lying, complaining ways will force us to remove money from their bill — which will decrease the amount of tip I receive — even though the food and drinks were fine, exactly as they ordered, blah, blah, blah. I hate hearing a manager tell me they “recovered” the table. Unless they’ve shorn off the hair of the “recovered” guest and “recovered” the table with it. That, I might be up for. That, would be something to see!

  4. Hi CV,

    I left you a voicemail to see if we could touch base on that deck you’re working on. Lets set up a working lunch to reimagine how to compact those slides. Would love to plan to assuage the message and make this go viral and maybe see a meme out if it. Hope you don’t mind- I didn’t order cookies, given the company eating challenge I figure we’re all on a diet (not to air our coworkers dirty laundry). But I did find a carafe of decaf that’s been left out since this morning as a treat.

    Open the kimono and push the envelope!
    Your company

  5. katybrandes says:

    I hate the buzz phrase “data mining” and the word “pedagogy,” both used in my work area. An improperly used word that drives me nuts is “supposably.” People who use it are supposedly intelligent.

  6. Pingback: The Weekly TPS Report – April 19 | The Cubicle Views

  7. List of X says:

    One of my least favored terms is “impacted individuals”, a.k.a. “laid off”. And that’s even considering that I’ve never been “impacted” myself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s