This week I’ve been traveling for work and thought it would be a good opportunity to provide my thoughts, as random as they may be, about this long strange trip I’m on. You can find Part 1 here.
This is part 2 – The Destination.
- Turns out a coworker was on my flight.
Let’s share a cab to save $’s – I mentioned.
CW – Sure, let me just collect my bag from the carousel and we’ll be off.
Me – You checked your bag? <sucker>
- Taxi driver – How would you like me to get to the hotel?
Me – Umm, how about cheap, fast and most importantly alive without obtaining any diseases from your back seat?
- Hotels now charge no less than 3 separate taxes and a “resort fee”. Look I’m here on business, barely ever in my room, why don’t you call the resort fee what it is…another tax!
- At least the room is clean. Or is it…how do I really know? Wonder if I can get one of those black light’s they use on CSI in the gift shop? On second thought, I really don’t want to know.
- Also, what the fuck is with providing 2 bottles of water for “my convenience and hydration” in my room for a mere $8 per bottle and yet having no in-room coffee?
- Hotels – What’s the deal with putting those hotel soaps in super tight plastic wrap that only someone with a cocaine pinky nail or a pocket knife could open? OH, but I don’t do coke and they took my knife at security…drats.
- Time to iron Kid 1’s pants which I’ve confiscated. You didn’t think I would have done this before leaving did you?
Hotel ironing boards…are they made for people who are 5 foot nothing?
Hotel irons…when I say I want the “steam” setting I don’t want it to drip all over my clothes like an 85 year old man trying to take a leak.
- It’s now breakfast time! Bend over and cough up your $18 for a continental buffet consisting of mostly defrosted fruit bits, doughy stale croissant’s and a “fun size” box of Trix cereal. FYI, it’s for freaking kids, not adults!
Oh, and don’t forget to tip the staff!
- Off to the big important meetings. Funny, whether back at corporate on the road at the regional office or at a customer’s site all meetings are the same.
- “We’re running behind. Do you mind if we work through lunch?”
Me – Gee now why would I, as the one who will have to present while you all eat, mind?”
- Hey since breakfast was a bagel likely fondled by half those who got to the buffet before me and lunch turned out to be all the leftovers others didn’t want while I was presenting can we get a real dinner?
- Let’s see…the only thing that fits into my company’s approved dinner meal expense is Taco Bell. Screw it, I’m hitting the bar and I’ll figure out dinner later.
- 10pm super hungry and quite buzzed. Well, the hotel diner is open for To Go food. Salad…other salad and what looks like a breakfast burritto (need to keep that in mind for tomorrow, but no way I’m eating it now). Salad it is!
- Back in my room…SHIT no utensils?!?!
The diner is like a quarter mile walk down my hall (last room on the floor of course), down the elevator and another quarter mile walk down the same freaking hall.
Damn, I’m so hungry; should I just use my hands? That’ll be too messy.
Hey! I remember seeing someone’s Room Service tray on the floor outside their door. Maybe I can grab their fork and clean it in my sink.
That’s pretty sick actually…plus, the soap thing again.
Hey look! I’ve got it! The tongs from the ice cube bucket!
It’ll be like super big metal chopsticks!
- Turns out Kid 1’s waist is a tad thinner than mine (shocking I know). Pretty sure I know what it’s like to have lap band surgery now.
- Time for bed. Knowing how dry this hotel room air is, I’m going to need water.
This is going to be the best $8 bottle of Aquafina I’ve ever had.
Expenses be dammed!
To be continued…