On the road again. Part 2 – The Destination.

This week I’ve been traveling for work and thought it would be a good opportunity to provide my thoughts, as random as they may be, about this long strange trip I’m on. You can find Part 1 here.

This is part 2 – The Destination.

  • Turns out a coworker was on my flight.
    Let’s share a cab to save $’s – I mentioned.
    CW – Sure, let me just collect my bag from the carousel and we’ll be off.
    Me – You checked your bag? <sucker>
  • Taxi driver – How would you like me to get to the hotel?
    Me – Umm, how about cheap, fast and most importantly alive without obtaining any diseases from your back seat?
  • Hotels now charge no less than 3 separate taxes and a “resort fee”. Look I’m here on business, barely ever in my room, why don’t you call the resort fee what it is…another tax!
  • At least the room is clean. Or is it…how do I really know? Wonder if I can get one of those black light’s they use on CSI in the gift shop? On second thought, I really don’t want to know.
  • Also, what the fuck is with providing 2 bottles of water for “my convenience and hydration” in my room for a mere $8 per bottle and yet having no in-room coffee?
  • Hotels – What’s the deal with putting those hotel soaps in super tight plastic wrap that only someone with a cocaine pinky nail or a pocket knife could open? OH, but I don’t do coke and they took my knife at security…drats.
  • Time to iron Kid 1’s pants which I’ve confiscated. You didn’t think I would have done this before leaving did you?
    Hotel ironing boards…are they made for people who are 5 foot nothing?
    Hotel irons…when I say I want the “steam” setting I don’t want it to drip all over my clothes like an 85 year old man trying to take a leak.iron-man-iron[1]
  • It’s now breakfast time! Bend over and cough up your $18 for a continental buffet consisting of mostly defrosted fruit bits, doughy stale croissant’s and a “fun size” box of Trix cereal. FYI, it’s for freaking kids, not adults!
    Oh, and don’t forget to tip the staff!
  • Off to the big important meetings. Funny, whether back at corporate on the road at the regional office or at a customer’s site all meetings are the same.
  • “We’re running behind. Do you mind if we work through lunch?”
    Me – Gee now why would I, as the one who will have to present while you all eat, mind?”
  • Hey since breakfast was a bagel likely fondled by half those who got to the buffet before me and lunch turned out to be all the leftovers others didn’t want while I was presenting can we get a real dinner?
  • Let’s see…the only thing that fits into my company’s approved dinner meal expense is Taco Bell. Screw it, I’m hitting the bar and I’ll figure out dinner later.
  • 10pm super hungry and quite buzzed. Well, the hotel diner is open for To Go food. Salad…other salad and what looks like a breakfast burritto (need to keep that in mind for tomorrow, but no way I’m eating it now). Salad it is!
  • Back in my room…SHIT no utensils?!?!
    The diner is like a quarter mile walk down my hall (last room on the floor of course), down the elevator and another quarter mile walk down the same freaking hall.
    Too far.
    Damn, I’m so hungry; should I just use my hands? That’ll be too messy.
    Hey! I remember seeing someone’s Room Service tray on the floor outside their door. Maybe I can grab their fork and clean it in my sink.
    That’s pretty sick actually…plus, the soap thing again.
    Hey look! I’ve got it! The tongs from the ice cube bucket!
    It’ll be like super big metal chopsticks!
    Fusion Salad!
  • Turns out Kid 1’s waist is a tad thinner than mine (shocking I know). Pretty sure I know what it’s like to have lap band surgery now.
  • Time for bed. Knowing how dry this hotel room air is, I’m going to need water.
    This is going to be the best $8 bottle of Aquafina I’ve ever had.
    Expenses be dammed!

To be continued…


About CubicleViews

Observations, thoughts & random bitching about cube life, food, beer, wine, whiskey and sometimes politics. Living the dream in a 6×8 doorless polyester walled cell.
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9 Responses to On the road again. Part 2 – The Destination.

  1. CWs on flights: Sorry to hear that. I always try to hide so no one attempts to talk to me when we’re trapped in the air.

    Taxis: This explains so much about the funky smell. Also, I encourage the use of brakes instead of horns when flying down the tollway.

    Hotel Tax: I’m sure it’s unintentional. Really the fees are from a sadistic expense overseer at your company who gets sick pleasure from making it impossible to get all your money back.

    Hotel Black lights: Ew ew ew. Now I need a shower. Also bringing my sleeping bag on the next trip. Keeps bugs away outdoors. Should work indoors.

    No coffee: If I’m paying more than two fancy drinks for water the least an establishment can do is provide crappy powder to make the water more bearable.

    Hotel soap: Which likely means no one is using the soap. Crap. Now I’m gonna have to wear a hazmat suit inside my sleeping bag.

    Hotel iron: Where appliances go to die. After it dripped enough to make you look like you were a 85 year old man that failed at leaking did you burn an iron shaped design for added style?

    Taco Bell: Super hungry and craving Taco Bell. Quite buzzed or baked as a potato?

    Tong chopsticks: Nevermind. Answered my own question from above.

    Kid 1s pants: And now I have an image of you in floods with unbuttoned pants raiding the mini bar for more than just water since you have the munchies.

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  3. I hate hotels. I had to go to San Francisco years ago to train for a job. They put me up in a nice hotel. I, while on a dare, ate some strangers leftovers right off the tray they left in the hall from there room service. I really enjoyed it.

    I am also such a cheap bastard that sparked and idea. In order to pocket the per diem I was getting, I would check platters every night before actually paying the incredible amounts of money for the hotel food. I got caught twice my the previous owners of these entrees. I looked at them and said “You were finished with this weren’t you?” One of them laughed, and the other one shook her head and slamed the door. I still can’t understand what that woman was so angry about.

    I think in per diem alone I racked up close to 900 dollars in a single month. I am not necessarily proud of this, but i am not ashamed and I would do it again.

    Something to eat your salad with CV? You should have just said fork it and gone with it. By comparison you would still be way less disgusting than me. (for what that is worth)

  4. free penny press says:

    No in room coffee maker? I would have laid on the floor and cried.. maybe not on the floor, never know what pesky things live in the carpet…
    You crack me up with these travel diaries.. it could be a book you know (just say’n)

  5. Pingback: On the road again. Part 3 – Homeward Bound | The Cubicle Views

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