* Dear Readers, yes I’m late with my weekly wrap up. If you we’re my boss I’d likely hear how the 3 day delay in providing this report was the cause of the end of humanity as we know it, how we will miss our quarterly numbers, or how some dude who shot and killed a black kid in Florida is walking the streets a free man (albeit likely scared shitless).
People who smell of stale cigarette smoke, please get out of my nostril’s personal space.
When having told someone that you never received their email, to which they say, “check your junk” it is apparently not appropriate to drop your pants and gaze down.
I find that one of the best ways to lose weight is to take a cross-country flight on Southwest where they don’t allow you to get off the plane at your connecting point. “Whatdaya mean I can only have 2 bags of Veggie Toasted Wheat Thins Chips?”
Related: how are Toasted Wheat Thins Chips NOT veggie?
One of my biggest daily struggles is the decision point at quitting time on whether to make the trek to the office bathroom and risk running into the bossman who’ll want an impromptu meeting, or can I hold it for the duration of my commute from hell. Think I’ll go to Costco this weekend for some adult diapers.
My dreams of being a rock star died and so will your love for Guns ‘N Roses Welcome to the Jungle if you read this. PS, you should still read it.
Dexter and The Newsroom both again on Sunday nights. A great way to stay awesomely distracted for a couple hours while not thinking about the upcoming work week.
Well I’ve got news for you, like missing my weekly report, the delay in this post was not the cause for any of the above.
I got busy. I’m sorry. Make me do a presentation over lunch. Chalk it up to “shit happens” and be thankful that no babies are dying so carry on and enjoy last week’s wrap up.
This. OMG, gotta have this!
I’m going to start a new feature in my weekly wrap up entitled “favorite search terms that led to my blog” and this being the inaugural week I’d like to give a new one and an oldie but a goodie:
“Jiffy Lube Outfit”
“Cousin Eddie Shitter’s Full”
In this week’s Ripped From The Headlines files:
Geez KTVU San Francisco I know people make mistakes (trust me I make a boat load), but seriously 2 words: Fact Checker.
There was so SO much wrong with the Zimmerman/Martin incident (murder), but I’m pretty sure sure the media got exactly what they wanted out of it. Also, Al Sharpton if you’re serious about wanting to help you should shut the hell up for once.
Also, not much was clear about this case, but as someone reminded me, “not guilty” definitely does not equal “innocent”.
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